On toxicity as a goal

Growing up with an abusive father, one of the things I learnt was that if you ignore the specific incidents of extreme violence, the bigger damage is caused by the routine state of fear you are made to live in. That constant paranoia of doing or not doing something a certain way, that hyper-consciousness of yourself and the consequences each and every action of yours shall invite, your mindspace being dominated by one person and their behaviour towards you, these are what damage your psyche more! They prevent you from expressing yourself, from experimenting, from learning for yourself, from being carefree or happy or truly at peace!

But this isn’t restricted to families alone. I remember such toxicity being abundant at school. There were specific teachers and students who were bullies. I remember being picked by my basketball coach to be in the starting five on the eve of an important semi-final. That was amongst the best days of my life but as I spent more time in that team, it was obvious who the bullies there were and the effect they had on those who were not. We played better when they weren’t around, we lost more when they were.

Similarly, in most work environments, you have a few toxic people around you. They are unnecessarily confrontational, with an agenda to demean and criticize and establish their superiority where none exists. You perform poorly when you work with them and worse when you are under them. You do not worry about doing your work well or benefiting the organisation more, you worry about keeping that person happy, by hook or by crook.

I know that especially in start-ups and businesses, it is fashionable to say that you need to take control and be a bully. Well I call bullshit on this. I believe people live and work better if they are happier. People express themselves more and be more creative if they are allowed their freedom. People make valuable mistakes that they can learn from if they are allowed to make them without the fear of unnecessarily overblown consequences. And especially when someone toxic is in a position of power, either by virtue of authority or physical/numerical/financial prowess, the fear multiplies and dominates all the more.

Yes, this does not mean that you be a coward, this does not mean that you do not call out bullshit when you see it, this does not mean that everyone can handle freedom and that inefficiency or inability must go unpunished but punishment must be a reaction and not an approach. As an approach, you must allow human beings to flourish with you, there mustn’t be an agenda to be cynical or confrontational or dominant all the time. Being unhappy with others as a habit comes at a huge cost to your peace of mind, one that won’t feel like a huge loss only if you were already unhappy.

People’s personalities, their confidence, their potential, their innocence are tarnished forever because of such toxic people. These people must be forced to be better, be different and not let their insecurities and excesses dominate or damage those who are innocent. Although this isn’t accepted as a crime legally and even if it is, it shall seldom be pursued but such people must be punished by being treated as unfit to be in a family, relationship, team, organisation or anything that involves a single other person. They must be left alone to either change or self-destruct!